John Waters Quotes

Listen to your political enemies, especially the smart ones, and then figure out a way to make them laugh.

Contemporary art hates you.

I always give books. And I always ask for books. I think you should reward people sexually for getting you books. Don’t send a thank-you note, repay them with sexual activity. If the book is rare or by your favorite author or one you didn't know about, reward them with the most perverted sex act you can think of. Otherwise, you can just make out.

If you go home with somebody, and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em!

You don’t need fashion designers when you are young. Have faith in your own bad taste. Buy the cheapest thing in your local thrift shop — the clothes that are freshly out of style with even the hippest people a few years older than you. Get on the fashion nerves of your peers, not your parents — that is the key to fashion leadership.

Keep up with what's causing chaos in your own field.

You have to remember that it is impossible to commit a crime while reading a book.

And then he heard it. A loud crash. The Number 22 bus had pulled away from the stop, and another driver in a car trying to get around to turn had collided into the side of the transit vehicle. Finally, Daryl had the nerve to do what every like-minded criminal in Baltimore knows they must. Run and get on the bus for insurance claims. Get a “suitcase,” as some of the old-timer grifters still called phony neck injuries, marrying the word “suit” as in law with “case” as in court. “Suitcase,” the all-purpose secret word for fraud. Amazingly, his erection still held. It was a little painful going up those first bus steps, but so what, it felt even sexier doing a second scam before he’d completely gotten away with the first one. The lucky few passengers on board were already going into their cries of “whiplash,” holding their necks and moaning out loud. He limped to an empty seat and held his knee as if it had been painfully slammed in the impact. Even the bus driver was faking injuries as he called into his dispatcher to report the accident, exaggerating the speed he had been going to make it sound worse. Daryl knew he was surrounded by fellow swindlers and felt, for the first time, part of a community.

Nora Ephron’s great line that “overtipping only costs a few dollars more.

If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em.

Aren't maids the ultimate art critics?

Nothing is more important than an unread library.

Life is nothing if you're not obsessed.

It wasn't until I started reading ... that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a good life without being like everybody else.

Librarians are always smart, a little nuts, and know how to party.