John Waters Quotes

How could you think of such awful things? liberal critics always ask. How else could I possibly amuse myself? I always wonder.

I hated the Beatles when they first came out because they were so goddamn cheery. I didn’t listen to popular music from 1964 until 1976, when I first heard the Sex Pistols. Finally a new antihippie sound that could piss off every musical legend that came first.

If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em.

Her jaws are no match for this frightening pest, who, temporarily blinded in panic, begins biting her tongue with its tiny bloodsucking mouth.

The nonexistent gods above will ignore our prayers better this way.

Never have a spontaneous moment in your life again. If you're going to have a hangover, it should be scheduled on your calendar months in advance. Rigid enjoyment of planning can get you high. Militant time management will enable you to ignore how maladjusted you would be if you had the time to notice it in the first place. Discipline is not anal compulsion; it's a lifestyle that breeds power. The only insult I've ever received in my adult life was when someone asked me, 'Do you have a hobby?' A HOBBY?! DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING DABBLER?!

A large horsefly accidentally flies directly into her oral cavity before she can speak. Outside in the air, this creature doesn’t seem that big, but from inside her mouth it feels like that giant flying reptile Rodan she once saw in a movie on cable. Her jaws are no match for this frightening pest, who, temporarily blinded in panic, begins biting her tongue with its tiny bloodsucking mouth. But Marsha is ready for any curveball nature might throw her. At first she considers spitting out this invasive monster, but then her reflexes take over and her snapping-turtle-like tongue, hidden behind her freshly glossed lips, rips the unwanted tormentor from the roof of her mouth, and with one bite of her cavity-free teeth, the execution of this pesky intruder is complete. Yes, she swallows.

Who would have ever thought a top college like RISD would invite a filth elder like myself to set an example to its students‽

"I stand there sipping and savoring for over ten minutes, thinking of the man I read about who weighed six hundred pounds from drinking "vast amounts of tap water.

And no, the hit records of your generation are not better than today’s. As soon as you stop listening to new music, your life is over. You are a fart.

Seeing a Fassbinder retrospective is better than drugs, liquor and sex put together.

Fantasies are like extra cash, they need to be banked for later use. I chuckle to myself, remembering Quentin Tarantino’s hilarious line onstage when I interviewes him in the Provincetown Film Festival. ‘What was the best thing about your success?’ I had asked, and he answered, ‘Pussy… no, the memory of pussy'.

It wasn't until I started reading and found books they wouldn't let us read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a good life without being like everybody else