Judy Sheindlin Quotes

(To a football player) If you lie to me, I'll mop the floor with you worse than anyone who's ever tackled you.

(To a law student) Does the word "shyster" mean anything to you?

DON'T SPEAK! See how fast I can get the smile off your face?

Mr. Britton, don't be a wise guy, because I'm gonna mop up the floor with you if you're a wise guy to me. This is my playpen, not yours.

I got you ten ways from Sunday, madam!

I mean, did you think I was just a fake person here, that they picked out of, you know, that they picked out of a supermarket? Didn't you think that I had any legal experience at all, sir?

Let me tell you something. This is my playpen, and I get the last word.

I'm not 25, and I'm not 5'8". But I know when someone is pulling my leg.

to a defendant's witness wearing torn jeans: I'm looking in your direction trying to figure out whether you accidentally tripped on your way coming into court today, or whether you selected those pants because you thought that they were attractive.

Whoever you think you are, you do not talk to me that way. Not ever. I am not your daughter. How you speak to your own child in your own house is your own business. You can make her cry for all I care; she's your kid, not mine. But that's her, it isn't me. Or can't you tell the two of us apart? Because if you can't, then you've got a far more serious problem than the one that brought you here today. That bigger problem is Byrd.

I want you to stop getting hysterical over NOTHING!

There's just one person who's allowed to ask, or answer, rhetorical questions in my courtroom -- and that's me! Understand? No, don't answer! There you go again.

Did that sound like a rhetorical question? It wasn't. I want you to answer it, capisce? Now, THAT was a rhetorical question! See the difference?

after someone in audience applauds, causing plaintiff to burst into tears: If there's any more noise from our gallery, you're gonna leave. Got it?

You're irritating me. It's not a good thing to start off by irritating the person who's supposed to decide your case.