P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

What would be a road hazard anywhere else, in the Third World is probably the road.

War will exist as long as there's a food chain.

To grasp the true meaning of socialism, imagine a world where everything is designed by the post office, even the sleaze.

They don't like anyone who isn't Korean, and they don't like each other all that much, either. They're hardheaded, hard-drinking, tough little bastards, "the Irish of Asia".

There are probably more fact-finding tours of Nicaragua right now than there are facts— the country has shortages of practically everything.

There are a lot of mysterious things about boats, such as why anyone would get on one voluntarily.

The most extraordinary change in Moscow was Arbat Street, the USSR's first pedestrian mall. Of course, there's something a little sad about a pedestrian mall in a nation where few people own cars— the whole damn country's a pedestrian mall.

The larger the German body, the smaller the German bathing suit and the louder the German voice issuing German demands and German orders to everybody who doesn't speak German. For this, and several other reasons, Germany is known as 'the land where Israelis learned their manners'.

The Italians have had two thousand years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place.

The interesting thing about staring down a gun barrel is how small the hole is where the bullet comes out, yet what a big difference it would make in your social schedule.

The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know.

The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words.

The America's Cup is like driving your Lamborghini to the Grand Prix track to watch the charter buses race.

Some people are worried about the difference between right and wrong. I'm worried about the difference between wrong and fun.