Rupert Holmes Quotes

OPERATING YOUR TABLE RADIO To hear Bach’s 5th Brandenburg Concerto, turn radio ON. To not hear Bach’s 5th Brandenburg Concerto, turn radio OFF.

It is important to remember Kipling, if only because none of us are ever likely to meet anyone else named Rudyard.

She figured she’d put a toll booth on that bridge when she came to it.

I was told that where poker faces were concerned, mine was about as inscrutable as an “Eat At Joe’s” sign outside a diner called Joe’s.

If answer comes there none, then more power to you (especially if you are planning an electrocution).

Mr. Iverson, you've all the timing of a prophylactic salesman in a maternity ward.

In the billions of years during which Life — an indispensable ingredient to Homicide — has been teeming on this earth, from that momentous primordial dawn when one bold amoeba set foot on land with the intent of becoming either a chicken or an egg, it was understandable that the strong would have dominion over the weak. But in recent millennia, flying in the face of Darwinian precepts, we have evolved into a planet where the un-fittest not only survive but often flourish, holding sway over their betters in a social order where dim-witted, dim-watted employers all too often lord it over their considerably brighter subjects. We at McMasters call this perversion of nature’s intent “the devaluation of the species,” and no modern pestilence is more pernicious in our overview than the Sadistic Boss. It is with pride that McMasters offers a powerful helping hand (or leg up) to those under the thumb (or heel) of such oppressors.

It’s a sad truism that those who appear affluent often evade the scrutiny of law enforcement.

nothing beats a couple of really stiff banana daiquiris enriched with yogurt. The bananas have tryptophan and magnesium to make your target dozy and potassium to keep them that way. The yogurt delivers melatonin, tryptophan, and calcium, and to seal the deal, they make a 168-proof rum in Barbados that might as well be knockout drops.

what were my impressions upon viewing for the first time the manor where you’d had me brought? My initial thought was “Toad Hall.” This was, of course, an inadequate comparison but the best I could muster considering the limited number of books I’d read that centered on soaring Gothic structures. (As a boy, I went nine pages into The Hunchback of Notre Dame before realizing it wasn’t a football story.)

flattery is a most sinuous form of incapacitation.

I hope you will come to better understand and appreciate the remarkable frailty of all life… and that you will learn to live each day as if it might be your enemy’s last.

Apparently the kitchen is to be commended for their successful use of fire.

answer comes there none, then more power to you (especially if you are planning an electrocution).

It is simplicity itself to fire one’s employer. All it takes is some kindling and a match. — Guy McMaster
Founder