I have a suspicion — and hear me out, ’cause this is a rough one — I have a suspicion that the definition of “crazy” in show business is a woman who … - Tina Fey

[T]he definition of 'crazy' in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to fuck her anymore.

Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? “I’m not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I’m just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I’d like to cut your chest open.” The crowd cheers.

You must not look in that mirror at your doughy legs and flat feet, for today is about dreams and illusions, and unfiltered natural daylight is the enemy of dreams.

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.