Silence is golden, and gold is up these days, so silence is a solid investment. - Jarod Kintz

Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.

If I ever go to China, I’m going to find a piano and play “Chopsticks” — only not with my fingers, but rather I’ll be using two forks.

When I’m introduced to a woman for the first time, I always say the same thing. I say, “Hi, I’m Jarod, and I think you’ll love my kids. You’d better, because you’re going to give birth to them.” This usually works, because after I say this I can immediately go back to being an introvert, as I’m left standing there all alone.