She asked me if I was seeing anybody else, and I said, No, the other woman is invisible. - Jarod Kintz

If I knew everything, life would be lonely, as everyone else would want to explore the world, and I’d be content with a cat on my lap sitting in the dark.

Some women will spread a lie faster and wider than they’d spread their legs. These women are worse than whores. These women are politicians.

He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse.