Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye. - Bill Hicks

(On Standards & Practices): “Where are your standards?....Stupid to retarded, is that the level of standards you’re trying to put out to America?”

Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.

Now we have women priests. What do y'all think of that? Women priests? [scattered applause] Yeah. I think it's fine, women priests, you know. So what? Now we got priests of both sexes I don't listen to.