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You ladies were right. To be honest with you, your lives look terrifying to me. They do. Man, I know nothing about being a woman, but I know fear. Yo… - Dave Chappelle
" "You ladies were right. To be honest with you, your lives look terrifying to me. They do. Man, I know nothing about being a woman, but I know fear. Yo, I used to live in New York when I was 17, and I couldn't even pay my bills. You know what I did to make money? I used to do shows for drug dealers that wanted to clean their money up. One time I did a real good set, and these motherfuckers called me in the back room. They gave me $25,000 in cash. I was probably 18, 19 years old. I was scared. I thanked them profusely, I put that money in my backpack, I jumped on the subway and started heading towards Brooklyn at one o'clock in the morning. Never been that terrified in my life, because I'd never in my life had something that somebody else would want. I thought to myself, "Jesus Christ, if these motherfuckers knew how much money I had in this backpack, they'd kill me for it." Then I thought, "Holy shit. What if I had a pussy on me all the time?" That's what women are dealing with. I'm gonna tell you right now, this is real talk. If them same drug dealers gave me a pussy and said, "Put this in your backpack and take it to Brooklyn," I'd be like, "Nigga, I can't accept this."
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About Dave Chappelle
David Khari Webber Chappelle (born August 24, 1973) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer.
Also Known As
Birth Name:
David Khari Webber Chappelle
Alternative Names:
David Khari "Dave" Webber Chappelle
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Additional quotes by Dave Chappelle
Stop worshipping celebrities so much. Just don't listen, don't pay attention. I remember, right around September 11th, Ja Rule was on MTV. That's what they said, they said "We got Ja Rule on the phone. Let's see what Ja's thoughts are on this tragedy." Who gives a fuck what Ja Rule thinks at a time like this, nigga, this is ridiculous. I don't want to dance, I'm scared to death. I want some answers that Ja Rule might not have right now. You think when bad shit happens to me, I'll be in the crib like, "Oh my god, this is terrible. Could somebody please find Ja Rule, get ahold of this motherfucker, so I can make sense of all this? Where is Ja?"
Ebola was in Texas. Ebola made a visit. Killed that man in Dallas. Five days, that man melted to death. What happened to the brother in Dallas? "Where was the secret serum?" is what we all said. I remember in the beginning of Ebola, there were two American doctors that got sick in Africa. They flew them in a private jet straight to Atlanta, to the CDC. I didn't even know CDC saw patients. There, it was said, they administered what The New York Times called "a secret serum." I don't know what's in it. It's just like Colonel Sanders' recipe. But both of these motherfuckers survived. These doctors, thank god, are healthy. They are out there somewhere tonight, at Whole Foods, touching vegetables, walking around. Everything's okay. "Hey, Frank. How are you?" "Oh you didn't hear? I had Ebola last week. But uh, I'm doing alright now. I was bleeding out of my eyes and anus, so I got concerned, but I'm okay." What happened to the brother in Dallas? They just rubbed some vicks on that nigga's chest. "Good luck, little buddy."
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