The only truly bad questions are not really questions at all. They are statements disguised as questions that are meant to be demeaning or designed t… - James E. Ryan

.” It takes time to discover the question, but it is time well spent. Einstein, who was a big believer in the importance of asking questions, famously said that if he had an hour to solve a problem, and his life depended on it, he would spend the first fifty-five minutes determining the proper question to ask.

As parents (and teachers), you try to help solve problems, both big and small. Very often, you think you know what the solution is, so you offer your idea — or a whole slew of ideas. Yet sometimes offering solutions simply fuels the anxiety or stubbornness that your kids or students are feeling, just as occurred with the boy in ski school. If you instead listen patiently and silently to their concerns and complaints, and then ask how you can help, it changes the conversation. It usually causes my own kids to pause. They think about whether I can actually help them and, if so, how. More often than not, they eventually tell me that I can’t really do anything. But in saying this they are already starting to figure out the problem for themselves. What they most needed to do was vent, get some sympathy, and figure out a solution for themselves.

Good friends ask great questions, as do good parents. They pose questions that, just in the asking, show how much they know and care about you. They ask questions that make you pause, that make you think, that provoke honesty, and that invite a deeper connection. They ask questions that don’t so much demand an answer as prove irresistible. Posing irresistible questions, I believe, is an art worth cultivating.