...you can almost hear people’s b-holes tighten. A collective cartoon-mouse squeak of b-hole. - Tina Fey

"Do the NBC bigheads really pay attention to these message boards?" Um, I don't know if they read the message boards. I hope so, because I write fifty to a thousand fake posts a week, mostly, uh, saying that I'm really good and that no else is as good as me. So, I hope they listen to that because I'm trying to get a raise.

We spent days and weeks doing nothing, calling one another ten times a day to schedule our nothing-doing.

I think someone should design exercise machines that reward people with sex at the end of their workouts, because people will perform superhuman feats for even the faint hope of that.