I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter. - Jarod Kintz

When I’m lonely I stand in the corner and play my saxophone and feel sorry for myself. I would ask you to accompany me on the piano, but if I did that I wouldn’t be lonely, would I? And what’s the point of a saxophone if not to celebrate despair?

Some women will spread a lie faster and wider than they’d spread their legs. These women are worse than whores. These women are politicians.

I want to be the first and second man to dance on the moon. No, I won’t moonwalk. But I will Cha Cha — with my clone.