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Since the last time I was here, I've had a few things change in my life. Some things happened that were so crazy, that I couldn't even believe it was… - Gabriel Iglesias
" "Since the last time I was here, I've had a few things change in my life. Some things happened that were so crazy, that I couldn't even believe it was a possibility. First thing that happened was I had my first ever celebrity death hoax, meaning that someone faked my death on the internet and it went viral. Someone wrote an amazing article that was read by over 30 million people that was so good, even I was like, "Oh my god, I was so nice." [Audience laughs] TMZ reported it for 30 minutes until they called my publicist and confirmed I was still alive. The article said that I had died on October 31st from complications of Type II diabetes. And in my head, I'm thinking to myself, that's a hell of a day to kill a diabetic. You know what I mean? That's like killing Santa on Christmas Eve. Thirty million people read this article, no one thought to call me...except Martin. [audience cheers] That's right. Martin was the only one that called me, and I think that was just to verify that he still had employment. [audience laughs] I got that phone call: [Imitates phone ringing] "Hello?" Martin was like, "Hey...you dead?" "No man, I'm good." "I figured. You would've texted me." [Mimes Martin hanging up his phone] And I would've, 'cause that's the kind of friend I am, you know?
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About Gabriel Iglesias
Gabriel Jesús Iglesias (born July 15, 1976) is an American actor and comedian.
Also Known As
Native Name:
Gabriel Jesus Iglesias
Alternative Names:
Fluffy
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Additional quotes by Gabriel Iglesias
I accidentally wound up at this "dance...place", gentleman clubby place. I wasn't driving, it was an accident; we pulled up to the place, ya know (car engine, brakes), ah! I knew where I was, you can be drunk and know where you are, so long as you hear (drum beats), AAAH! I walked in there and I got recognized by one of the dancers. You gotta call them "dancers" or "entertainers" or they'll get mad at you, "(feminine voice) I am not a stripper, ok?! I'm an entertainer." And I said, "No, I'm an entertainer, you're nasty!" Some girl recognized me, and she said, "Omigawd I know who you are, you're famous!" And I'm like, "Oh no, oh no!" And some other dancer who was spinning around on a pole overheard famous and she stopped [eek! Looks over]. She walks over, "(feminine voice) Oh my gawd, you're famous? Can I have your autograph?" I was like, "You don't even know who I am." "I don't care; SIGN IT!" "Ok, relax; what's your name?" "Diamond." "What's your last name?" "Rodriguez." "(writing)To Diamond, with all my love and affection..." "HURRY UP!" I got so mad, so I wrote, "George Lopez." I was so drunk, I didn't care; and she freaked out, she was like, "Oh my gawd! OH MY GAWD! You're George Lopez!" I can't help it guys, I was so drunk, I did this; I said, "[George Lopez voice] I know, huh? Ay, ay, cabrona! Why you cry!? Why you crying'!?" I'm not gonna lie to you guys, George knows that I do it; I don't think he likes it!
My favorite thing [about Latino television] are the commercials. Because they're always about sex. You don't know what the product is until, like, the last two seconds. It's always some model comes walking out, all sexy, like, [Mimics sexy music] [Feminine voice] "Hola." [Resumes music] [Feminine voice] "Ay que rico!"...And on the 28th second, like, [Mimics female giving a pleasured shout]..."Pepsi." [Audience laughs] And you're sitting there, going, "I gotta go get a Pepsi!"
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