So, I come home, I was so tired, and I look at my phone to check my messages, and I had a voicemail message from a guy by the name of Channing Tatum.… - Gabriel Iglesias

Since the last time I was here, I've had a few things change in my life. Some things happened that were so crazy, that I couldn't even believe it was a possibility. First thing that happened was I had my first ever celebrity death hoax, meaning that someone faked my death on the internet and it went viral. Someone wrote an amazing article that was read by over 30 million people that was so good, even I was like, "Oh my god, I was so nice." [Audience laughs] TMZ reported it for 30 minutes until they called my publicist and confirmed I was still alive. The article said that I had died on October 31st from complications of Type II diabetes. And in my head, I'm thinking to myself, that's a hell of a day to kill a diabetic. You know what I mean? That's like killing Santa on Christmas Eve. Thirty million people read this article, no one thought to call me...except Martin. [audience cheers] That's right. Martin was the only one that called me, and I think that was just to verify that he still had employment. [audience laughs] I got that phone call: [Imitates phone ringing] "Hello?" Martin was like, "Hey...you dead?" "No man, I'm good." "I figured. You would've texted me." [Mimes Martin hanging up his phone] And I would've, 'cause that's the kind of friend I am, you know?

The first time I came here, I got the chance to meet some people, and they said, "You know what, Gabriel, have you ever been here, have you ever been to Chicago?" I'm like, "No, it's my first time." They said, "Well, you know, we'd like to take you out eat if you're down." And I'm like, "Well, hello!" [Audience laughs] "I'm very down!" They took me to a restaurant called Portillo's." [Audience cheers] You've heard of it? So, we get there, and it was, it was very, very good. The hot dogs were delicious, I had a chicken chopped salad, it was amazing. I had a beef dip, really really good. But it wasn't until the meal was almost over that these new friends of mine said, "We'd like for you to try something you've might not have ever had before." And I'm like, "That's not likely." I said, "So, what is it you want me to try?" And they said, "Well, they sell a thing here at Portillo's called a Chocolate Cake Shake." [Audience cheers] I said, "You had me at 'Chocolate'." They said, "Well, you gotta go to the special window and you gotta order it from the lady." I go, "Okay, cool." So, I get up and walk to the lady, and she's like, "Can I help you?" I said, "Yes, my friends are telling me that I need to try this thing, called a 'Chocolate Cake Shake'." "Okay, what size would you like?" "How good is it?" "You'll want a large." [Audience laughs] "Alright, can I please have a large Chocolate Cake Shake?" "No problem." [Imitates her entering the order in on the cash register] And I pay, and she turns around and walks over to this little refrigerator that's on the counter, and she opens it up, and she pulls out a piece of chocolate cake. And I'm thinking to myself, "She must have misunderstood what I said. I didn't ask for a piece of chocolate cake, I asked for a Chocolate Cake Shake." She must've heard what I was thinking, because she's walking by and she's like, "It's gonna happen." She walks over to the blender, she takes the freaking lid off, she just looks at me and does this. [Mimes the cashier turning her hand over, dropping the chocolate cake in the blender] And I was like, "NO!" And she's like, "Oh, yeah." [Mimes the lady pushing the button and the blender blending the cake] And she pours it, and she hands me this, like, 44-ounce chocolate shake, which is WAY more than anybody should be drinking. The straw was so thick, you could almost put your thumb in it, okay? So, I grab this shake, and I begin to attempt to drink it. So, I'm [Mimics him trying to suck the shake through the straw, making heavy "MMM" sounds], and I can see the shake coming up. [Still makes the "MMM" sounds, while using his finger to show how show the shake's coming up the straw] And it hit, and then, all of a sudden, [Mimics his nipples getting hard] "WOOOOO!"

My favorite people to have fun with are police officers 'cause they're so serious, you know. They gotta be, you know. Check this out. I get pulled over one night coming out of a Krispy Kreme drive-thru. Don't get ahead of me, listen! [Laughs] I made a left turn instead of making a right, but I wasn't paying attention 'cause I had a box, right? I was like "[Gasp] Oh, you're gonna get it when you get home. You've been so bad!" So I went the wrong way, right? [Mimics car engine noise and gestures to turn left.] Sure enough, [Mimics police siren] "OOGGG!" I'm sitting there patiently waiting for the cop but he's taking forever, I said "You know what, to hell with this, he's taking too long!" I grab my box, I put it on my lap, I flipped it open, right? [Licks finger and pretends to touch one of the donuts and screams] Just as I was about to get into my donuts, the cop gets to the window and he says the same thing they all say, "You know why I pulled you over?" I couldn't help it: I looked up at him and I said "'Cause you can smell it!" Oh, he was dying, man! Son of a bitch!