I'd imagine Janowicz is a fine lover - a big, bear of a man but with the hands of a miniature portrait painter. - Ben Dirs

Anyone seen Kaka's wife? Funnily enough, she's a complete sort. She's the sort of woman who, if she looked you in the eye in a bar and asked you where the fag machine was, you'd start giggling and snort.

Bit of Toto as Hoffmann makes his way to the middle - "I bless the rains down in Africa!" - smashing. My favourite Toto number is Rosanna. I used to go out with someone called Rosanna. Her mum looked like Cher.

Vaughan is lurking in the dressing room gloom like some mad woman spying into her next door neighbours' garden.