I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm so indebted to her for. (Variant: 'Twas a woman who… - W. C. Fields

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

I was in love with a beautiful blond once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.

It was a woman who drove me to drink—and you know, I never bothered to thank her.

Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you?

Whilst traveling through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. Had to live on food and water for several days.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.