I just realized my reality, and I’d like to say No Thanks. I’m going back to sleep. - Jarod Kintz

Grandpa had a good life, up until the day we slaughtered him and ate him. Honestly, he raised chickens, so he should have seen it coming.

It’s not uncommon for me to be early to meetings by as much as a half a gallon. I guess the reason I am so punctual is because I have a very fluid concept of time.

I don’t want my love with her to wither like grapes on a vine, so I’ll water it with romance to turn it into wine.