Now that I had become a man (with a leaky fountain pen to prove it), I was ready to take on the world. - Groucho Marx

You must realize that not all insomniacs are afflicted with the same blights, and what cures one man is another man’s poison. What about the bed you are floundering around in? Do you use a soft mattress, an orthopedic one, or do you sleep on the springs like the Hindus? Many physicians recommend sleeping on the floor if you arrive home late at night half crocked or, in medical terms, “with a bun on.” I, on the other hand, advise you to forget the doctors, and advise you to sleep on the floor when sober. It has many things to recommend it. To begin with, you eliminate the cost of a bed. The money saved here can then be used for getting drunk again. Moreover, if you sleep on the floor there is no danger of falling — unless you happen to be sleeping near an open manhole.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member