I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it...and he's always on time. - Mitch Hedberg

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I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it...and he's always on time.

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About Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg (24 February 1968 – 30 March 2005) was an American stand-up comic known for his odd subject matter, subdued delivery and memorable routines that often consisted of a string of one-line non sequiturs.

Biography information from Wikiquote

Also Known As

Birth Name: Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Alternative Names: Mitch Lee Hedberg • Mitchell Hedberg
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Additional quotes by Mitch Hedberg

I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later.
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I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 a.m., and it said "Sorry, we're closed." You don't have to be sorry. It's 3 a.m., and you're a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna walk by at 10 a.m. and say "Hey, I walked by at 3, you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology. This jacket would be halfway done!"
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