I've got an oscillating fan at my house. The fan goes back … - Mitch Hedberg

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I've got an oscillating fan at my house. The fan goes back and forth. It looks like the fan is saying "No". So I like to ask it questions that a fan would say "no" to. "Do you keep my hair in place? Do you keep my documents in order? Do you have 3 settings? Liar!" My fan fucking lied to me. Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain't sayin' shit.

Mitch Hedberg

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About Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg (24 February 1968 – 30 March 2005) was an American stand-up comic known for his odd subject matter, subdued delivery and memorable routines that often consisted of a string of one-line non sequiturs.

Biography information from Wikiquote

Also Known As

Birth Name: Mitchell Lee Hedberg

Alternative Names: Mitch Lee Hedberg • Mitchell Hedberg

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David Sedaris Steven Wright Jarod Kintz Dylan Moran Karl Pilkington

Additional quotes by Mitch Hedberg

My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on four billion!... Fuck! Seven. Not even close. I need some more dice. Four billion divided by six... At least. Snake eyes!" I just said "snake eyes." That's a gambling term. Or it's a animal term too.

In Venice, Italy they don't have streets, they have canals. So in Venice, we gotta keep the kids off the canals. In Venice if you're not book smart, but you do know what's going on, you are canal smart. "I've got canal smarts bitch!"

I bought a $7 pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

I've got an oscillating fan at my house. The fan goes back and forth. It looks like the fan is saying "No". So I like to ask it questions that a fan … - Mitch Hedberg

About Mitch Hedberg

Also Known As

Additional quotes by Mitch Hedberg