You know, for years scientists have wondered, can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones' "It's Not Unusual", and the an… - John Mulaney

It is so much easier not to do things than to do them that you would do anything is totally remarkable.

To me, at this point, like, Donald Trump is not just a rich man, like, Donald Trump is almost like what a hobo imagines a rich man to be. No, it's like years ago, Trump was walking through an alley, and he heard some guy just like, "oh boy oh boy, as soon as my number comes in, I'm gonna put up tall buildings with my name on 'em. I'll have fine golden hair, and a TV show where I fire people with my children." And Trump was like, "that is how I will live my life".

That's how I walk into rooms. I'm 35 years old, I am six feet tall. I lower myself, I go, "Hi. Knock knock." I say "knock, knock" out loud.