Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to b… - Daniel Tosh

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Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, "Hey, at least I'm not pregnant."

Daniel Tosh

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About Daniel Tosh

Daniel Tosh (born 29 May 1975) is an American comedian.

Also Known As

Birth Name: Daniel Dwight Tosh

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Tina Fey Maddox George Carlin David Sedaris Yahtzee Croshaw

Additional quotes by Daniel Tosh

Even when I was a kid, my imaginary friend would play with the kid across the street. I'd be like, "Hey, so I guess I'll see you later," and he's like, "Whatever, queer."

We'll put an asterisk next to Barry Bonds' name, sure. As soon as we put one next to Babe Ruth's name. Getting to break records before black people were allowed to play? Excuse me, where is that asterisk? Why don't people talk about that?

I don't think I could stab somebody, 'cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, "Hey, at least I'm no… - Daniel Tosh

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Additional quotes by Daniel Tosh