And we have a German shepherd we found on the side of the road; that dog's psycho, now I know why she was on the side of the road. Yeah, "nothing's f… - Bill Engvall

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And we have a German shepherd we found on the side of the road; that dog's psycho, now I know why she was on the side of the road. Yeah, "nothing's free." But I love that dog. That dog saved my hind end one night. My wife and I are about to go to bed, her wiener dog's jumping on the bed after I just talked to it. [Audience laughs] So just grabbed my wife's wiener dog and put her in the backyard. At about 2 in the morning, I'm woken up by this loud squealing coming from my backyard. My God, I ran out of bed in my underwear, put on my headlight house shoes, go out to my backyard, and a coyote had jumped the fence. Yes, and had my wife's wiener dog pinned down on the ground. I was like, "Aw, hell...appreciate what you're doing, just do it a little more quieter, couldn't you?" About that time, I felt this "WOOSH" right by my leg. That German shepherd ran into the backyard, hit that coyote broadside, that coyote did three flips and jumped the fence. I turned to the German shepherd and I said, "C'mon, you're sleeping in the bed." And the funny thing was, for about a week after, my wife and I would be sitting at the table having breakfast, and there would be about 2-3 coyotes across the road looking at our backyard, and you know the conversation was going like this: "...What? Naw, hell no. Don't go in there, that little dog's a setup. I ain't lying; ask Joe what happened to him!"

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About Bill Engvall

William Ray "Bill" Engvall, Jr. (born July 27, 1957) is an American comedian, and a member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.

Also Known As

Birth Name: William Ray Engvall, Jr.
Alternative Names: William Ray "Bill" Engvall, Jr. William Engvall, Jr. William Ray Engvall William Engvall
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Additional quotes by Bill Engvall

She's online with her friends, and little boys are starting to call the house. Oh, my God, we had a kid call the house at two in the morning. Oh, I lost it. 'Cause first of all, I'm off in La-la land with Shania Twain in the mountains somewhere. I hear a phone ring and I'm like "Who's got a phone in the mountains??" So when I realize it's my phone, I'm already a little miffed, so I go, "Hello!" And this little voice says "Uh . . . is Emily there?" And I go, "Dude, if you have a brain in your skull, you will hang this phone up right now!" Click. Then my wife turns to me and goes, "Bill, you've got to be nice." And I go, "No, ma'am. "Nice" stops at midnight!"

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