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When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that … - Dane Cook
" "When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain... (sigh) "I wasn't invited to this party." But then, once you're IN love, that's like being inside that party, going "Where's my jacket? I wanna get outta here. where's my jacket? I been to this party six years and I wanna see other parties! Where's my jacket. Someone shit on the coats. I think someone shit on, about, or around the coats."
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About Dane Cook
Dane Jeffrey Cook (born March 18, 1972, in Cambridge, Massachusetts) is an American observational stand-up comedian with dark humor, comedic violence, and excitable, high-energy stage presence.
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Dane Jeffrey Cook
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Additional quotes by Dane Cook
I looked at him and I went [sternly] "Uh, God bless you." Yeah. I said it like that. I said it like, "God bless you." Which, you know, is God bless you, but it kinda sounded like "Cover your fucking mouth." [loud cheer from audience] Yeah. Incognito. I turned to the guy. I say-I say God bless you, by the way, when someone sneezes. I don't say bless you. I don't say that because...I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...I'm just a messenger for big guns up stairs, ya know what I'm saying? And I never go with gesundheit. I don't who even says that. If I say gesundheit, I'll feel like I'm honoring Hitler. Like I should go like, [Nazi salute] "GESUNGHEIT!" I end up on the History Channel because a guy sneezed.
I hope when he dies, he does become a tree. I hope he's in the middle of the wilderness and he's doing his tree thing. Whatever it is trees do. I know they do a lot of work with breezes. And wouldn't it be fantastic if while he was out there just enjoying his treeness, through the woods, a huge sweaty guy with an ax comes long? Sees him...[tree-chopping motions]. Chops him down, smash! Put a chain around him, drag him through the mud and the muck, throw him into a sawmill and grind him up. [Nuzzsaw noise] Then you pound him down into paper, and once he's paper, you print the Bible on him.
You ever do a little delete game? Do you like to do that? You go through, you take your contact list, sometimes you're just in the doctor's office right? You start scrolling through, you're like...who don't I need? Who don't I need in my life? Where can I get a megabyte of space back right now? And it's kinda fun right? You just scroll through...er Peter, Peter, yeah fuck Peter, BOOM! And you really hit that delete button like you're deleting Peter from existence. Peter is sitting half way around the world eating a steak and the second you hit that button he just turns to vapor: VVVVVVVV!! The fork falls: Tingtingtingelingtingting! The person that's sitting across him is like: "PETER!". Peter is gone. Poof!
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