A fuel pump is a fountain drink machine for cars. And people who want to save the environment and get drunk and run to work. - Jarod Kintz

If I told you that my global audience has shot up 100% in the last six months, what would you say? If you were to say, “So you went from one reader to two readers?” you’d be absolutely correct. And after I had congratulated you on your keen guess, I’d thank you for being 50% of my reading base.

Every morning I push through the pain — and force myself to keep sleeping, despite my aching body’s cries to quit. I am a champion.

Whenever I see a gorgeous woman, I think, Who is that tall drink of water, and how come I’m suddenly thirsty?