A fuel pump is a fountain drink machine for cars. And people who want to save the environment and get drunk and run to work. - Jarod Kintz

A mafia don could snap his fingers and somebody would snap my neck. But when I snap my fingers, people start dancing. Or at least my clones would.

At Starbucks I like ordering a “Tall venti in a grande cup.” That’s basically me asking for a small large in a medium cup.

Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.