When I found him lying in the ditch holding a shovel, I tho… - Jarod Kintz

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When I found him lying in the ditch holding a shovel, I thought he was sleeping on the job. Turns out he was being even lazier, and he was in fact dead.

Jarod Kintz

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Groucho Marx Woody Allen Brandon Boyd Steven Wright Margaret Atwood

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I managed to beat Michael Phelps’ 400 meter IM time. And not only did I beat his time, but I did it in exactly 200 meters.

I am quite possibly the world's bravest coward. I have never backed down from backing down from a fight.

With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me.

When I found him lying in the ditch holding a shovel, I thought he was sleeping on the job. Turns out he was being even lazier, and he was in fact de… - Jarod Kintz

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