What are you looking for, McSeaBass? Its been the same menu for 40 years. Its all McShit. Just fucking order! - Tucker Max

You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window? That's what it's like listening to you speak.

The Cousin: Hey Tucker, you know she's French, don't you?
Tucker: Oh hell no--You're French?
Girl: My parents are, but I was born here. I want to move to France after graduation.
Tucker: You fucking cheese-eating surrender monkey. I thought someone stunk around here. So if I start speaking German can I push you around and take all your stuff? Those hairy fucking stink-bags would be speaking Kraut right now if it wasn't for us, and they aren't the least bit appreciative. I hope they all fucking die, and your frog-sympathizing ass with them.

Hi. I haven't insulted you yet, have I?