I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know. - Mel Brooks

Sheriff Bart: Since I am your host and you are my guest what are your hobbies? What do you like to do in your free time?
Jim "The Waco Kid": Oh you know, play chess...screw.
Sheriff Bart: (Quickly) Let's play chess!

Look, I really don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive, you've got to flap your arms and legs, you got to jump around a lot, you got to make a lot of noise, because life is the very opposite of death. And therefore, as I see it, if you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy, or at least your thoughts should be noisy, colorful and lively.

Bialystock: How dare you condemn me without knowing all the facts!
Bloom: Mr Bialystock...
Bialystock: Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation.You see this? This once held a pearl as big as your eye. Look at me now. Look at me now! I'm wearing a cardboard belt.