Craig Ferguson Quotes

Just a warning: If you're a bunch of sexy teenagers at a lake where other sexy teenagers were killed 30 years ago, leave! The guy in the forest with a hockey mask... maybe doesn't play hockey.

I can't live by your rules, man!

That's here on CBS, where the 'C' stands for 'Classy' and the 'BS' speaks for itself.

There are bound to be some lies here, but I’ve been telling them so long they’ve become truth, my truth, as close as I can get to what really happened.

Time is only linear for engineers and referees.

By the way, there's a place on Hollywood Boulevard where you can get a _____ for twenty bucks.

You know who doesn't like _____? Al-Qaeda!

He's quiet as well, especially if you stalk him.

Laughter separates us from despair and gives us a chance at love.

I view my own body as a Donalds hiccups I am the main attraction... And the only customer.

Change is the law of God's mind and resistance to it is the source of all pain.

Welcome back, my naughty donkeys.

It's a great day for America, everybody.

Sounds like a party at Elton John's house.

Always laugh second.