Craig Ferguson Quotes

There are bound to be some lies here, but I’ve been telling them so long they’ve become truth, my truth, as close as I can get to what really happened.

Just a warning: If you're a bunch of sexy teenagers at a lake where other sexy teenagers were killed 30 years ago, leave! The guy in the forest with a hockey mask... maybe doesn't play hockey.

Sober alkies are often asked: “When did you hit rock bottom?” but a more informed question might be: “How many times did you hit rock bottom?

Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.

Always laugh second.

[referring to a category of people he might have upset with a joke] I'm looking forward to your letters...

[with a fist-shake] Take that, ____.

I dont know how to add things to my own wikipedia page.