Top 15 Craig Ferguson Quotes

The trouble I have with astrophysics or quantum mechanics is the same problem I have with philosophy; which is: initially it is mind blowing, then it is fascinating, then it is disturbing, then it is almost uncomprehensible, then it's fascinating again, then you disappear up your own ass.

America is, for me, an aspiration, a philosophy, a way of being, a dream.

Between safety and adventure I choose adventure.

There are bound to be some lies here, but I’ve been telling them so long they’ve become truth, my truth, as close as I can get to what really happened.

Appear tougher or cooler or funnier than you feel and there is a chance you’ll make it.

Sober alkies are often asked: “When did you hit rock bottom?” but a more informed question might be: “How many times did you hit rock bottom?

Being funny is a gift, and, when done well, is an art form.

I did have a love for literature that overpowered my hatred of the people who taught it, and I think because I had no respect for the teachers, their attitude didn’t poison the writing that I was discovering for myself.

Failure is not a disgrace. It’s just a pitch that you missed, and you’d better get ready for the next one... My son and I are Americans, we prepare for glory by failing until we don’t.

The problem with suicide is that it seems so flamboyant. It’s camp. You have to be a bit of a drama queen to ever seriously consider it.

Time is only linear for engineers and referees.

Evil does not question itself. Only Hope questions itself.

Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.

That’s the thing about terrorism – it works. Especially for the terrorists – they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying.

Like many of her sex, Sophie was fiercely competitive with other women, working on the crackpot theory that if she could be better in some way, men would like her more, respect her. Make her happy. She never cottoned on that the men she was attracted to, the men who found her attractive, didn’t like women.