I remember praying to God crying out to Him that if He saved me, I was going to serve Him. I was not ready to die just yet

I found it hard work now to pray to God, because despair was swallowing me up

But during the course of my music career, there was A lot of back and forth, there was a lot of inconsistencies because I was really battling with myself and the calling. It took a lot of grace to finally come to the period of surrender. Even before I surrendered, I went through a lot of depression, addictions and periods of secluding myself. During those periods, I prayed A lot to God. I cried out a lot to God. It went from just leave me alone, God, to do what you want to do. Because I felt that every attack I was having in my music career was because I wasn’t walking in my calling

I was at a really low point, thinking of going to university and doing a course because the music thing just wasn't happening for me. But I went on the show and...

The last 10 weeks have been the worst of my entire life. Yes the worst since I was born. I have gone from being so angry to being so broken and back to anger. And then Sadly which I am ashamed to admit suicide.

I prayed to the whole wide universe and hoped that God would be in it, listening to me. I prayed and prayed, and then I faltered. Not because I couldn't find God, but because suddenly I absolutely did: God was there, I realized, and God had no intention of making things happen or not, of saving my mother's life. God was not a granter of wishes. God was a ruthless bitch.

And don’t even get me started on how grouchy I used to be about God.

The only thing I knew to do was to pray. “Lord, if I’m going to be rescued,” I said out loud, “please let me know.”

The lower you are, the higher your mind will want to soar. It was natural that, bereft and desperate as I was, in the throes of unremitting suffering. I should turn to God

Of Course — I prayed — / And did God Care?

The experience was disagreeable. I began to feel like an atheist praying.

I have never passed a more anxious or trying month in my life, but I never felt God so present with me.

I turned to speak to God
About the world's despair
But to make bad matters worse
I found God wasn't there.

Yesterday I was on the edge Hoping everything was going to work itself out A good honest man doing the work of God Trying to make things better for Him A lover of life in a school for fools Trying to find another way to survive