At parties, sometimes, for a laugh, I introduce myself - people say 'What do you do?' and I say 'I'm Aled Jones, its all gone wrong for me. No, look,… - Bill Bailey

I am a confectionary-based existentialist.

Beautiful ladies in danger. Danger all around the world. But I will protect them, because I am Chris de Burgh!<br/r> Beautiful ladies in emergency situations.<br/r> Beautiful ladies are lovely but sometimes they don't take care
They're too busy with their makeup and combing their lovely hair<br/r>To take basic safety precautions<br/r> But I will protect them I will save the pretty ones<br/r>With their smiles and their beautiful eyes<br/r>But let the ugly ones die<br/r>I have no place for them in my new world order<br/r>I won't waste my seed on hideous trolls<br/r>Kill kill kill kill kill the trolls<br/r> hunt them down there shall be no clemency<br/r>Kill kill kill kill kill the trolls<br/r>Look under the bridges that's where they hide<br/r>That's where they hide<br/r>And beauty shall be my bride.

[responding to scattered audience applause] Ah, lovely: the ripple, the ripple there. That's nearly the Zen clap of acceptance there, wasn't it?