I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret. - Bob Monkhouse

Smarmy, plastic, oily, greasy, unctuous, shallow, superficial, old-fashioned, superannuated, crap

Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.