Bob Monkhouse Quotes

I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative.

I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.

People who hadn't noticed me, or who had written me off as a game show host, started to reassess me. There were people who hadn't seen me as a stand-up artist and liked it. Suddenly I was in fashion again.

The awkward part about an orgy is that afterwards you're not too sure who to thank

When I said I was going to become a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they're not laughing now, are they?

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.

I've always known that I polarise opinion. Some people respond with enthusiasm and affection. In others, I awaken a lot of hostility.

Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.

Personally, I don’t think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

People used to laugh at me when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well they're not laughing now.

I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.

Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

I suddenly realised I could maybe occupy a different position because of age, a kind of acceptance.