Bob Monkhouse Quotes

I suddenly realised I could maybe occupy a different position because of age, a kind of acceptance.

Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.

People used to laugh at me when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well they're not laughing now.

The awkward part about an orgy is that afterwards you're not too sure who to thank

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

People who hadn't noticed me, or who had written me off as a game show host, started to reassess me. There were people who hadn't seen me as a stand-up artist and liked it. Suddenly I was in fashion again.

I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative.

When I said I was going to become a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they're not laughing now, are they?

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

I've always known that I polarise opinion. Some people respond with enthusiasm and affection. In others, I awaken a lot of hostility.

I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.

Personally, I don’t think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?