Sometimes dating or married couples decide to split because things change — someone cheated or had to move — but, more often, people split up because… - Meg Jay

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Sometimes dating or married couples decide to split because things change — someone cheated or had to move — but, more often, people split up because things don’t change. It is far more common to hear couples say that, in retrospect, the differences were there all along.

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Sometimes Danielle fantasized about “waiting tables or working in some easy job where [she] didn’t have to think or didn’t make mistakes.” But twentysomethings who hide out in underemployment, especially those who are hiding out because of a lack of confidence, are not serving themselves. For work success to lead to confidence, the job has to be challenging and it must require effort. It has to be done without too much help. And it cannot go well every single day. A long run of easy successes creates a sort of fragile confidence, the kind that is shattered when the first failure comes along. A more resilient confidence comes from succeeding — and from surviving some failures.

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