If you don’t know how to love, then any old robot or mechan… - Jarod Kintz

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If you don’t know how to love, then any old robot or mechanical device would best suit your relationship style. In this situation, vacuum cleaners might make the best lovers.

Jarod Kintz

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Groucho Marx Woody Allen Brandon Boyd Steven Wright Margaret Atwood

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I would give you all my love, but I’m afraid I’d get nothing in return. And coming from you, nothing is simply much more than I want.

My eyes are so close together that when I cross my eyes, my irises actually trade places. My skin is so craterous that Neil Armstrong annually rubs my face just to reminisce about his time on the moon. And my nose is so long that my penis is jealous. But enough about how handsome I am.

It’s hard to hear over the racket of gunfire. Politicians want to talk about war, but the people want to talk about peace.

If you don’t know how to love, then any old robot or mechanical device would best suit your relationship style. In this situation, vacuum cleaners mi… - Jarod Kintz

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Additional quotes by Jarod Kintz