I like vending machines 'cause snacks are better when they … - Mitch Hedberg

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I like vending machines 'cause snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at a store, oftentimes, I will drop it... So that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.

Mitch Hedberg

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About Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg (24 February 1968 – 30 March 2005) was an American stand-up comic known for his odd subject matter, subdued delivery and memorable routines that often consisted of a string of one-line non sequiturs.

Biography information from Wikiquote

Also Known As

Birth Name: Mitchell Lee Hedberg

Alternative Names: Mitch Lee Hedberg • Mitchell Hedberg

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Additional quotes by Mitch Hedberg

I wrote down “tea ski.” What the fuck kinda joke is that? I have no clue. Tea ski, what the fuck? Oh yeah, I remember. I wanna go to a lake and put tea bags in there, for like a hundred of ‘em for like a week, and then I’m gonna tea ski.

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

I like vending machines 'cause snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at a store, oftentimes, I will drop it... So that it achieves i… - Mitch Hedberg

About Mitch Hedberg

Also Known As

Additional quotes by Mitch Hedberg