When I was a boy, I naively thought that this thing called happiness would be something I would wake up to find every day once I could smoke, drink a… - Jeffrey Bernard

[On the Feminist Dale Spender] It staggers me. In fact I have not been so staggered since I last wore 8oz gloves.

During one of my annual visits to the great Fred Winter's yard I said to him, 'Good God, Fred, your horses look magnificent. Beautifully fit.' Of course they do, you twit,' he said. 'They don't sit up all night drinking gin and tonic and playing cards.'

As for asking me have I ever felt remorse after drinking, I have been living with remorse for years now. She wakes me up every morning. She puts me to bed at night and yea though I run through the valley of Oxford St to the Coach & Horses she is by my side.