If nothing else, life in the suburbs promised that you might go from day to day without finding shit in your hair. - David Sedaris

If you see devils, they lock you up, but in America, if you see angels, they put you on morning TV.

"You want to be French, Mary Frances, that's your problem, but instead you're just another American."

I went to the window for that one an saw a marriage disintegrate before my eyes. Poor Mary Frances in her beige beret...

"Americans," he repeated. "We don't live in in France, we live in Virginia. Vienna, Virginia. Got it?"

I looked at this guy and knew for certain that if we'd met at a party he'd claim to live in Washington, D.C. Ask for a street address, and he'd look away, mumbling, "Well, just outside D.C."

She just happens to be my father, young man, and I'd appreciate it of you'd show her a little respect.