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Usually adult males who are unable to make emotional connections with the women they choose to be intimate with are frozen in time, unable to allow t… - bell hooks
" "Usually adult males who are unable to make emotional connections with the women they choose to be intimate with are frozen in time, unable to allow themselves to love for fear that the loved one will abandon them. If the first woman they passionately loved, the mother, was not true to her bond of love, then how can they trust that their partner will be true to love. Often in their adult relationships these men act out again and again to test their partner's love. While the rejected adolescent boy imagines that he can no longer receive his mother's love because he is not worthy, as a grown man he may act out in ways that are unworthy and yet demand of the woman in his life that she offer him unconditional love. This testing does not heal the wound of the past, it merely reenacts it, for ultimately the woman will become weary of being tested and end the relationship, thus reenacting the abandonment. This drama confirms for many men that they cannot put their trust in love. They decide that it is better to put their faith in being powerful, in being dominant.
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About bell hooks
bell hooks (born Gloria Jean Watkins; September 25, 1952 – December 15, 2021), was an American university professor specializing in social criticism focused on groups distinguished by established differences in social power.
Biography information from Wikiquote
Also Known As
Birth Name:
Gloria Jean Watkins
Alternative Names:
Gloria Watkins
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Additional quotes by bell hooks
Black progressives suffered major disillusionment with white progressives when our experiences of working with them revealed that they could want to be with us (even to be our sexual partners) without divesting of white supremacist thinking about blackness. We saw that they were often unable to let go the idea that whites are somehow better, smarter, more likely to be intellectuals, and even that they were kinder than black folks.
Let's not kid ourselves, we find mutual love only when we know how to love. And the best place to start practicing the art of love is with the self — that body, mind, heart, and soul that we can most know and change.
The one person who will never leave us, whom we will never lose, is ourselves. Learning to love our female selves is where our search for love must begin....rather than embracing faulty thinking that encourages us to believe that females are inherently loving, we make the choice to become loving. Choosing love, we affirm our agency, our commitment to personal growth, our emotional openness.
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