What do you mean, you "don't believe in homosexuality?" It's not like the Easter Bunny, your belief isn't necessary. - Lea DeLaria

I'm at West Virginia University to do a show, right, and they've done all this fucking publicity about it...so when I get to my show, who's waiting for me but five hundred Christian protestors with great big signs. "Lea DeLaria is going to hell." Not generic "gay is not good:" "Lea DeLaria is going to hell." Which is what I need five hundred strangers to tell me, like twelve years of Catholic fuckin' school wasn't enough, right?!

They are preserving the sanctity of marriage, so that two gay men who've been together for twenty-five years can't get married, but a guy can still get drunk in Vegas and marry a hooker at the Elvis chapel! The sanctity of marriage is saved!

[An anti-abortion conference goer] says, "Well, don't you believe that life begins at inception?" I say, "No. I believe that life begins when you mind your own fucking business!"