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[in regards to the subway breakfast sandwich not being available after 11AM] I'll go, "Uh, hey man, uh, gimme an egg and cheese," and the kid will sa… - Doug Stanhope
" "[in regards to the subway breakfast sandwich not being available after 11AM] I'll go, "Uh, hey man, uh, gimme an egg and cheese," and the kid will say, "I'm sorry, sir, it's after 11, we put all that stuff away." You didn't put it away...it's in the second green cabinet, it's right there. This place is as big as a photo-mat, there is no "away" in the building, you don't own "away". There's no Brink's truck that pulls up at 11:02 and yanks out the eggs under armed guard.
English
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About Doug Stanhope
Doug Stanhope (born 25 March 1967) is an American stand-up comedian.
Also Known As
Birth Name:
Douglas Gene Stanhope
Alternative Names:
Douglas Stanhope
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Additional quotes by Doug Stanhope
You know the funny thing about child pornography: [...] the lack of credits at the end. No ego on that side of Hollywood, is there? "Who did the editing on this film, it's seamless! I want to use him on my independent documentary!" But no names. Not even a nom de plume. Some people are in it just for the art.
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Every fucking week there's some celebrity or comic or an athlete that has to apologize for a caught on tape comment, or insensitive joke, a drunk tweet. And they have a press conference, and it's always something that's way weaker than the shit I say every night-- as a segue I say worse shit, nobody ever asks me to apologize. I wouldn't, but I wanna be asked one time. I've got way better shit than they do, I demand outrage for God's sakes, what do I have to do? I could've told that joke at the Simon Wiesenthal Museum of Tolerance and people would go, "Huh? What'd he say? I wasn't listening."
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