In these modern times, the only sensible thing to be is nonsensical. - Jarod Kintz

I think the two greatest inventions in the history of mankind are the remote control and the fingernail clipper. Now, if someone could just combine those two, I’d be very eager to clip my nails from across the room.

I’ll give you 50% off for half a year, or 100% off for a whole year. At these bargain discount prices, my love won’t last forever.

We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.