In the store, Bill is buying some pants. - Bill Engvall

Boobs are the center of power. Boobs can make a 6-month-old baby and a 65-year-old man both act the same way. And I'm a big fan. Oh, man, I love 'em! And I ain't picky neither. I hate when I hear guys go "I don't like little boobs." I don't care! Big boobs, little boobs, saggy boobs, perky boobs. You could have boobs that look like nanners, I don't give a damn! They're the perfect toy! You squish them, mush them, POOF! They come right back out! You can't even break 'em! Oh, they're amazing. Boobs can make a long trip seem short, make a bad day seem great. [Points to a member of the audience] Bud, let's say you had a bad day at work. Boss been chewing you out all day long. The little girl sitting next to you shows you her boobs, you're like, "This day was GREAT!"

[about how people in the 90's used "awesome" wrongly]

[about his daughter Emily, who scored 1390 on her SATs]