The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert. - Jarod Kintz

I love firm hugs. Statues are so affectionate. Well, at least compared to my ex wife.

Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil. Next time, go all out and write in Lucifer on the ballot.

"Before I die, I want to change my name to "Here," so that my tombstone could simply read, "Here lies." And then people who knew me could walk by, shake their head, and say, "Ain't that the truth.