The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert. - Jarod Kintz

There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny.

Vacation, I go there in my mind. Especially when I’m at work, getting paid for it.

One of your siblings has got to be the dumbest. And if you’re an only child — you’re the dumb one.