Me and my wife are happy. At least when we are not together. - Jarod Kintz

I predict that love will burst forth on the Fourth of July. That’s tomorrow, so I’d better prepare tonight for massive fireworks of the heart.

We all want to be the best at something. Trouble is, some people are only the best at being second best.

"The other day I woke up to find my girlfriend already gone from the house, and a sticky note on the fridge that said, "I love you." "Oh my God," I thought. "Somebody's obsessed with me, and they kidnapped my girlfriend just to get closer to me.