I wouldn’t want the guests at my birthday party confusing m… - Jarod Kintz

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I wouldn’t want the guests at my birthday party confusing my celebration with the Oscars. That’s why I’m having the awards ceremony after we eat cake and I open my presents.

Jarod Kintz

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Groucho Marx Woody Allen Brandon Boyd Steven Wright Margaret Atwood

Additional quotes by Jarod Kintz

Two one-armed people might seem perfect for each other, but what if they’re both missing the same arm? Then even something simple like holding hands while walking becomes a case of they’re too similar to see themselves really going anywhere as a couple.

I work in a hotel. I know what you’re probably thinking, and no, I am not a hooker. Not unless you’re not a cop.

An invisible wall of super condensed jelly would make a great shield to stop bullets and sarcasm.

I wouldn’t want the guests at my birthday party confusing my celebration with the Oscars. That’s why I’m having the awards ceremony after we eat cake… - Jarod Kintz

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