When writing for other comedians, someone once told me, “I want to make it my own.” I’d say, “Look, the jokes are written. The relationships are writ… - Mel Brooks

A lot of people don’t realize that without a valley, there is no peak. Without information, there is no joke. You’ve got to set things up.

Blinkin Aaahhhh, you lost your arms in battle, but you grew some nice boobs (Blinkin gropes the Venus De Milo statue left behind after creditors take away Loxley Castle)

We laughed hard at real stories of tragedy. It had to be real and it had to be funny. Somebody getting hurt was wonderful. Later, as the 2000 Year Old Man with Carl Reiner I explained the difference between comedy and tragedy: If I cut my finger, that’s tragedy. Comedy is if you walk into an open sewer and die.

Bialystock: How dare you condemn me without knowing all the facts!
Bloom: Mr Bialystock...
Bialystock: Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation.You see this? This once held a pearl as big as your eye. Look at me now. Look at me now! I'm wearing a cardboard belt.